Thursday, June 11, 2009

Quotable Quotes

Everything I needed to know about life I learned from my uncle.

Here are some of his most memorable remarks:

“Stay away from a gun. Even if it’s unloaded”

“Play dumb. If you know something about it don’t say it. Ask them instead ‘Oh, I didn’t know. What have you heard about it?’ Keep your pingo face but don’t exercise it. Just like me. I have a pingo face but don’t exercise it”

On the dancing floor:

“E-sa! E-sa!”

By the master bathroom:

“Hey guys I wanna show you something. Here. Look. A cushioned toilet seat!”

To his dog Ugo, after he shoved his head under the moving Fiat his older son was parking in the garage:

“Uguito cutie. Come over here. Come. Come. Yeah. Good. Good….”

Ugo would lower his ears and approah him, when Ugo’s snout was close enough and within reach my uncle would slap it real hard -with the force of a sledgehammer. Then, he would say:

“Caraj0! Usted es pendejo? Ah? Usted es pendejo? Es que acaso usted no sabe que si mete la cabeza debajo del carro viene el caucho y lo espaturra? Cooooooñioooooo pero que vaina con este perro no joda!”

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